Finding my missing piece has helped me find my inner peace
I’ve always had a fascination with families; faces that resemble one another and traits that weave across generations. I would look at the members of each family picking out the similarities in the faces, body shapes and voices. Was it simply DNA that made people look and sound alike or was it growing up together within the same household that made the connections? Or both? Nature or nurture…
Imagine growing up knowing that there are people that look like you, but you have no clue who or where they are. How would it feel to have other people say to you ‘you look just like someone I know’ and knowing that it’s entirely possible that there is someone out there with your face? What would it be like to know that the family you’re living with shares none of your DNA, but have a common bond based shared experiences – and on love? How different would family be if all under the same roof shared the similar faces, traits, and blood?
Five years ago, I read about Steve Jobs’ life story and finding his birth family. I Was moved – almost. Then I watched, mesmerized, by Oprah’s half sister connecting with her. That was it! I surrendered to my curiosity and my desire to know more about me – I needed to find some answers and the time was now! I ‘d grown tired of telling doctors that I had no family history because I was adopted. I felt as if being adopted was a curse instead of the blessing I believed it to be. I knew I needed to take action, so at 54 years old, I went in search of my roots.
The world opened easily to finding my missing past. My sense of who I was from another point of view. I love my parents and brother – and I did not have their genes! I knew the circumstances of my private adoption from my parents: My birth parents were married, couldn’t afford a fourth child and told everyone I was a miscarriage. I knew that I had siblings and that was the connection that I really craved: Did I look like anyone else – am I like anyone else?
Unlike most adoptee searches, mine was very fast. I had so much information that my parents had kept in their safe deposit box that a researcher literally took 30 minutes to get back to me with the names and phone numbers of each family member! She offered to make the initial call to my birthfather and I accepted, not wanting to face the rejection if he didn’t want to talk to me. Rejection is an adoptee button and fear. Luckily, he welcomed my phone call and it was wonderful. He wanted to share photos and asked for my patience as he met individually with each of his grown children. Imagine being 58, 60 and 62 finding out you have a full blooded sister that you didn’t even know existed…
…one by one I received emails and phone calls from very welcoming and shocked siblings. I met everyone, individually, 3 months after my initial discovery. I can’t tell you that it’s all been a smooth journey, because as in every family there are different interpretations of events, personalities and realities, but I have found my missing piece and have also found my inner peace.
My story informs my coaching…let’s work together to find your own inner peace.